Going Home?!

The scariest day of my life so far. Yesterday we woke up at 3:15 and fed Wesley one more time. We woke up again at 5:15 and started getting ready to go. They had told us that it would be one day in ICU and then up to four days on the surgical floor. I grabbed a suitcase to start packing for my overnight stays. As I unzipped the suitcase I found Evan's long lost Mater shoes tucked safely in the top of the suitcase and his long lost trains (whiff, diesel, and Skarloey!) in the bottom of the suitcase. Apparently he had packed them for a pretend trip awhile ago and I had looked EVERYWHERE for the precious items... except the suitcase. As I found the treasures, tears started streaming down my face. This had to be a sign that everything would be ok. I mean, how could the day that you find your son's favorite things be a bad one, right?

We drove to the hospital and checked in for the unknown at approximately 6:15. Anesthesia. Plastic Surgeons. Neurosurgeons. Nurses. Fellows. Residents. All went by in a sea of blue/green scrubs. We dressed Wesley in the tiniest hospital gown I have ever seen and at 7:30 had to turn him over to an older man wearing yellow crocs, a young Asian nurse, and the anesthesia fellow wearing a black and white hat. Steve hugged me tight as I sobbed in his arms. Please, Steve, let this all be ok!

At 9:15 we were eating bagels in the cafeteria and got a page from the OR saying they had started surgery at 9:00 and would keep us updated. At 10:09 we got another page telling us to head to ICU because he was done and the surgeons were ready to talk to us.

We turned the corner to ICU and I saw the neurosurgeon (with glasses like dr. Shepherd wears on Greys Anatomy) and the Plastic Surgeon standing there. I don't know exactly what was said, but I very clearly remember hearing them say, "He did great!" After that there were a lot of tears from me and a few from Steve and they informed us that because he had done so well and the surgery was so quick, they were going to forego his night in the ICU and move him directly to the surgery floor when a room was available. Wow. I had no choice but to hug the surgeons and continue crying.

Next we were paged to ICU telling us that he was done with post-op stuff and we could see him. As we walked back, he looked fragile, pale, small. So small. The nurse handed him to me and it felt familiar and wonderful and scary and foreign to hold him. He was my precious little baby, my world, my son, but he had wires and monitors and what appeared to be an open wound on the top of his head. Tears were the only response.

Next they moved us to the surgery floor and I cried again as I watched Steve carefully carry the precious cargo in his arms. I am lucky to have Steve. Everyone needs a guy like Steve.

The night/day went by in a blur again. Neuro came by and announced that he was doing great and was on track to leave in the morning. Leave in the morning?! So far, none of this is going like they said- it is going much better!

At this point Jen, Em, and Ben came up to visit which elicited more tears from me. My people. They stayed, we laughed, we talked, they kept my mind off the little grumbling moaning sounds indicating that he was probably in pain and the swelling we could see coming on Wesley. The surgeons said his head would look different after the surgery, but I had no idea it would be this drastic, this fast! He looks like a different kid! (well, right now he looks like a small version of Charlie Brown, but you can also see how much of a positive change this surgery will make!)

After my mom, sisters, and brother left, the nurse helped me to get him settled in his little bed and we both got some much needed sleep. He woke up a few times, but mostly to eat. He took Tylenol and slept through the crying from the little boy sleeping on the other side of the curtain. (count my blessings that Wesley is going through this at such a young age. The little child next door wanted the IV out, wanted a sandwich, wanted his dad, wanted to eat, wanted the nurse to leave him alone, wanted to watch tv, and wanted to brush his teeth all at about 3 a.m.)

Today, neurology came in and confirmed- my child is amazing and can possibly go home today if I feel comfortable with that! Can this be true?!

I made it through yesterday with the hope, thoughts, prayers, and support of so many wonderful people. I cannot believe it is over and I cry thinking about all the positive energy that was spent on wesley's behalf. Hopefully the worst of it is done. He is a little grumpy, a lot swollen, and pretty tired, but I will take all of those things any day to have yesterday behind us!!