So, with approximately 26 days to go, I keep getting asked the age-old question: "how are you feeling." The polite, usual answer: "Good." The truth?...
Physically - I feel great. My feet get really swollen by the end of a long day sitting at a desk and it is not fun to get up in the middle of the night to pee or eat (it is true, one night I got up around 2:00 am and made myself some toast), but, all in all, I really feel good.
Mentally - that is a different story. I am so excited for this little baby to be born. I can't wait to meet this little guy, see what he looks like, hold him, teach him, love him. However, I am also really nervous. Can I do this? Can I be someone's "mom?" Can Steve be someone's "dad?" He is asleep on the couch from watching football and I had a frozen chickenless patty for dinner. We aren't the typical family, don't have the typical routine, and I don't even know how to cook a caserole, let alone a well-balanced meal for a growing child. I have a car seat that I don't know how to install and diapers that I am really nervous that I won't be able to change. (I have a terrible gag reflex!) I have a job that will be on hold, tiny clothes that are washed and folded, and lots and lots of fear. I am sure I will be ok. (That's the logical side of me). BUT the side of me that fears the unknown is silently pleading for this baby to take his time. -- Stay in my stomach, where I know he is safe. Where I don't have the giant responsibility of parenting him, teaching him, and making sure his little feet are covered with socks. Safe.
Awhile back a client told my step-mom that I was "panicked." At the time, I didn't know if she meant panicked to be pregnant, or panicked to be a mom, or panicked to be dealing with work and change and the unknown. At first I thought she was a little looney and I didn't know which one she meant, but perhaps she had some good insight and simply saying "panicked" was better than trying to describe the specifics.
9 comments:
I can't be even half the mom you will be.
Your baby will have bedtimes, socks on his feet, homemade blankets, a room, clothes in a drawer and something other than tator tots for dinner.
In fact, if you write a book one day titled "How to be the Perfect Mom", I would totally not be surprised. Hopefully my children don't try to take up residency with their new cousin just to get a good meal.
I can't wait for your new life to start.
Well said Angie.
You are experiencing the absolute most normal feelings.
I remember Dad saying he wanted Felix out so that he could relax. I was thinking "What?! Relax?? Are you mad? If she's in there *points to giant ball under tent which is supposed to pass for a maternity shirt* then she's MUCH safer -- safer from ME."
All will be well. Listen to your logical side and let the chips fall. There will be good days and bad and you alread know that -- because you are so logical. Damn that Neeleman brain anyway. =]
There will be days of going to bed with the days' clothes still on and a dirty face and then days of tucking him into his bed with sweet smelling hair and freshly washed jammies.
Days of fishy crackers and cheese for dinner and then days of a fully balanced meal with all the food groups from the pyramid -- in the right order even.
Question people about emergency issues like fevers, large bumps on the head and broken arms. But the other stuff? Somehow it really just does come to you. It's weird almost how it begins to form and come together on it's own. You learn as you go along. You make mistakes as you go along and then you learn again.
And you well know from watching all these small ones in our family, kids are very resilient and can bounce from anything we may "accidentlly" throw at them.
Let the rollercoaster begin! Keep your hands and feet inside at all times and Enjoy the Ride!!
well i'm pretty much feeling the same way.... like HOLY CRAP!! and i have 6 months to go.
but... i'm not worried about you, one-beacuse your one of the smartest people i know.
two- you got that way eating eggs and muffins for dinner. ;)
you'll do great.
Angie,
As a little girl you were always very nurturing - you loved to take care of the babies in the family and you were good at it! Kids love you because you are fun and happy and they know they can trust you. You will be a great mom - sure there will be days that are difficult - there will be times when you will cry for this little guy as he experiences life's bumps and bruises that we all have to go through - but you will also have times when you will look at that amazing child and be in awe and wonder how you were chosen to be his mother. It is a miracle and you are part of it! Enjoy every second and just love him!
I love you,
Aunt Cathy
I felt All the same things you are feeling before Luke arrived. If Steve and I can survive parenthood you and your Steve will be just fine... I promise! We don't have a normal family life either, but babies adapt very well :)
All New moms feel this way, soon you will figure out that being a mom is a day-day thing. All you have to do is love him, and the rest will come on it's own. You will do a great job!
I was just reading these comments to your blog and was touched by how many loving people you have in your life!
Angie,
You look adorable! Just a wee bit pregnant! When your little one will arrives, parenthood feels like the most natural event in life! We are so excited for you and Steve!
That is so funny. Nate almost pukes all the time but he is a trooper and keeps trying. Good thing that he had a lot of practice changing cat boxes during my pregnancy! HAHAHA! It was my FAVORITE!!!!
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